Aniexty Attacks

Having an Anxiety Attack

Recently I had a couple of anxiety (panic attacks).  But I have bloody survived what they threw my way.

One day last week, I had my second anxiety attack in 2 months. I was very disappointment and upset. All I did was try and manage it. When I had my first one a couple of weeks ago I was so scared and didn't know what was going on, I was much better the second time around. They do take a lot out of you and both times it was nearly in the middle of the next day when I felt normal again. I would prefer not to have them, as after all, who likes to be blindsided by an uncontrollable heart beat.

My anxiety attack made me feel I was in danger. What terrifies me even more is that what I'm scared of, I cannot run from and like last time I didn't even know what it was about. At least with a physical threat you can try and quickly spot an escape route. When it's your mind, where can you go? There isn't a panic room for you to hide out in until the threat is gone.

It took a lot of energy to get through both my anxiety attacks. Have you ever been so ill and fragile that you feel you could be pushed over by the slightest gust of wind? That's what I feel like in the aftermath of an anxiety attack. They also leave me feeling rather numb. In a single moment, months of hard work is unraveled and I can’t see a future without being harassed by mental health issues or that I will never achieve my goals in life. It's like a war I can't win, no matter how hard I try. As you can appreciate, it’s pretty disheartening. I really am trying to take each day as it comes and not focus on the future and what it might look like.

My Back Story

THE BACK STORY

You're probably wondering why I've suddenly decided to write a blog on my mental health, and while all of a sudden I telling my story. If the last 7 months have taught me anything, it's that self-care is incredibly important and something, I really want to improve in myself.

In February 2020, I diagnosed myself with not only anxiety, but also self confidence. I had just found out someone was taking advantage of me in a big way. Safe to say, I didn't feel great about myself. It was a terrifying and life-changing experience. I knew I had to make changes to my life, I didn't want feel down all the time. At that point I want to change my well-being. I'm not suggesting this was the only thing that led to the situation I found myself in, but it was certainly a contributing factor. I saw someone post about depression and anxiety and it made me start to talk to someone. Also seeing all the images of Caroline Flack helped as well.

So I arranged an appointment with an counsellor and had a good talk. We decided I need a CBT counsellor and started looking but then lockdown started. I prefer to talk to someone in front of me instead of on a computer or telephone, so I haven't had much conselling since. I plan on doing it again in the coming  months though. The months of lockdown haven't been as bad I thought they would but I definitely had good and bad days. There is still work to do! Talking to someone and telling my parents have really helped and afterwards I felt much more freedom. It took some much pressure of me as well.

I know when someone mentions 'well-being' or 'self-care' your mind naturally conjures up images of people meditating in a park or popping on a face mask. The beauty of 'well-being' is that it is specific to an individual and it is therefore shaped entirely by the person dealing with the problems.

Things that have helped me overcome it so far is having a routine and if I have things to focus on it really does help. Being outside in the fresh air really does clear my mind which is why now I so happy I can play tennis again because for the time when I on the court it does seem to take my problems away for a bit.

So that my story so far but I am not fully in the right place mentally still. I will be telling you about things I been doing to help me and continuing to document my story to becoming a happier person and to achieving my goals in the long run!

About Me

ABOUT

Hey and welcome to my blog!

Everybody deserves a happy life!

My name is Matthew and I was born in Bristol and have moved around the UK a lot but now I live in Kenilworth, Warwickshire. I currently work for Waitrose but would love to do Business Administration work one day!

I am currently struggling with anxiety and self confidence issues. I also had some relationship problems recently as well. I have decide to blog about my problems.

I have a lot of hobbies (playing tennis, watching Coventry City, reading and listening to music). I will be sharing my thought and experiences on issues I'm experencing with and how I am trying to improve my mental health and wellbeing in the process.